Paul Tournier opened his book, "Escape from Loneliness", by referring to a
secretary who turned on her radio each evening just before the station closed
down in order to hear these closing words: "…and so, we bid you a very pleasant
good night!" This lady was employed by an international welfare organization.
Her life was busy; her work was appreciated; she received every courtesy, and
yet, each evening before falling asleep she reached for the radio and the sound
of a human voice speaking to her: "…we bid you a very pleasant good night!"
Sociologist Suzanne Gordon has called loneliness "The New Human tradition." In large cities and small, at every economic and educational level, crossing all racial and ethnic boundaries, we are lonely people, alienated and detached.
Friend, human relationships are not merely pleasant or desirable, they
constitute one of our greatest needs. Jesus made this our new obligation
when he said, "I give you a new commandment: Love one another; Love one
another as I have loved you. By your love for one another everyone will
know that you are my disciples" (John 13:34-35).
Dr. James J. Lynch has shown in his book, "The Broken Heart" that lonely
people live significantly shorter lives than the general population.
Well, how does one go about cultivating relationships? How can you learn
to be giving, understanding, caring? How can I be a friend? Psychologist
Alan Loy McGinnis has offered five basic rules for strengthening
relationships, which are as follows:
- Establish friendship as your top priority.
- Try hard to cultivate a certain transparency
- Talk about your affections. All too often, we are so afraid of
being sentimental that friendship is lost because it goes undeclared. Once
the author George Eliot wrote this letter to a friend:
I like not only to be loved, but also to be told that I am loved. I am not
sure that you are the same kind. But the realm of silence is large enough
beyond the grave. This is the world of literature and speech, and I shall
take leave to tell you that you are very dear.
Friendship depends in great measure on our ability and willingness to say so.
- Learn the gestures of love. Edna St. Vincent Millay put it this way:
Tis not love's going hurts my days, But that it went in little ways.
Friendship often slips away from us "in little ways." On the other hand,
small acts of kindness and courtesy can strengthen relationships.
- Friendship must have space. Give your friends room. Too many
people are possessive
and manipulative with their friends. Fearing they might lose them, they
dominate them. This is a sure road to loneliness. Kahlil Gibran advised
concerning marriage: Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each
one of you be alone…and stand together yet not too near together: for pillars
of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each
other's shadow.
Give your friends, as well as your friendships, room to grow.
Overcoming loneliness and alienation is no simple task. However, we
should not be easily discouraged if the progress is slow. Trust - a
basic ingredient of any true friendship - never comes without effort.
But take heart. You need not be lonely. You can discover friendship!
And if you would like to know more about how you can have more and better
friends, I encourage you to write for a FREE booklet which is titled:
HOW YOU CAN HAVE MORE AND BETTER FRIENDS. To receive your copy by return
mail, simply send your request to me at P.O. Box 1540, Albany WA 6331.
If you prefer, you may Phone me on (08) 9841 8418.
Email: abl-alb@omninet.net.au
Instead of loving your enemies treat
your friends a little better.
E.W.Howe (1853-1937)
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