Depression - Hope for people filled with shame

Discovering A Better Life
P.O Box 1540, Albany Western Australia 6331
Phone/Fax: (08) 98 418 418
E-mail: abl-alb@omninet.net.au

Depression - Hope for people filled with shame
Physician Lawrence LeShan was talking with a young woman who seemed to blame herself for having cancer. He asked her, "What do you think it is that makes you so angry at yourself -- that makes you feel so guilty? Do you feel you have done something to deserve this?" She replied, "No, I've done nothing. You don't understand, Doctor. It's not that I've done or been anything. It's that I've done nothing and been nothing." Done nothing and been nothing! What a powerful portrait of shame! Shame says, "I am inadequate as a human being." It says simply, "You are not enough. You are not smart enough, strong enough, rich enough, perfect enough." Where as guilt attacks my conscience and tells me I have made a mistake, shame attacks me and tells me I am a mistake! Shame becomes destructive when it becomes a sickness of the soul. John Bradshaw in "Healing the Shame that Binds You" writes that shame can become toxic. No longer an emotion, which signals our limits, it can make us feel worthless as human beings. When we become shame-full, we are set up for all sorts of destructive behaviors. Shame expresses itself in depression, self-doubt, inferiority, perfectionism, and narcissism. Ironically, it can make us ashamed of having shame. We become secretive about our inner feelings of worthlessness and think no one could possibly love us if they knew who we really were. Shame-full people find themselves on a treadmill. They can never do enough to overcome their inner sense of shame. With shame-full people, compliments have a half-life of sixty seconds. On the other hand, insults, criticism, and failures are forever! Virginia Satir, a pioneer in the study of shame's impact upon families, has observed that living with shame is like having a pack of hungry dogs in your basement. As the dogs get increasingly hungry, they bark and struggle to get out of their prison. Eventually, they break out and upset the furniture and make a terrible mess in the kitchen. In the same way, shame works beneath the surface of our lives and eventually "breaks out" in destructive behaviours. We feel terribly guilty, promise never to do that again and try to make amends for our misdeeds. Shame thereby creates a cycle of control and release, which makes it impossible to live our lives with dignity. As this cycle continues, we may despair of being able to change our behaviour -- our failures become final. Shame takes over our lives and leaves us feeling weak and worthless. Is there hope for shame-full people? Yes! In the first place, merely recognizing its presence in our lives means that shame can no longer sneak unnoticed in the shadows of our innermost selves. We can begin to look it in the eye and call it by name. Charlotte Elliot was an invalid most of her life. Despite the fact that she was intellectually gifted and a talented musician, she often experiences periods of uselessness with its resulting shame. During one of these times, she reflected upon the words: "The Lamb of God which takes away the sin of the world," and wrote the following words: Just as I am! Without one plea, But that thy blood was shed for me, And that thou bidd'st me come to thee, O Lamb of God, I come! I come! My friends, the gospel of Jesus Christ speaks powerfully to our shame. In Christ we experience a love which is unconditional therefore, when the haunting voice of shame taunts us, "You are not enough," we can look it straight in the eye and say, "Yes, that's right, of myself, I am not enough. But in Christ I am loved, "Just as I am!" and that is enough. Let me ask you a very important question? Have you experience the unconditional love of Jesus Christ? You can be freed from the condemnation of shame. Perhaps you are ready to be obedient to the will of Jesus Christ. If so, as you experience his forgiveness, you will be released to new life. You will enjoy being part of the family of God, the Church. Please let me know if I can assist you. You can contact me: Email me or write to me at P.O Box 1540, Albany W.A 6331. Telephone / Fax (08) 98 418 418

Physician Lawrence LeShan was talking with a young woman who seemed to blame herself for having cancer. He asked her, "What do you think it is that makes you so angry at yourself -- that makes you feel so guilty? Do you feel you have done something to deserve this?" She replied, "No, I've done nothing. You don't understand, Doctor. It's not that I've done or been anything. It's that I've done nothing and been nothing."

Done nothing and been nothing! What a powerful portrait of shame! Shame says, "I am inadequate as a human being." It says simply, "You are not enough. You are not smart enough, strong enough, rich enough, perfect enough." Where as guilt attacks my conscience and tells me I have made a mistake, shame attacks me and tells me I am a mistake! Shame becomes destructive when it becomes a sickness of the soul. John Bradshaw in "Healing the Shame that Binds You" writes that shame can become toxic. No longer an emotion, which signals our limits, it can make us feel worthless as human beings. When we become shame-full, we are set up for all sorts of destructive behaviors. Shame expresses itself in depression, self-doubt, inferiority, perfectionism, and narcissism.

Ironically, it can make us ashamed of having shame. We become secretive about our inner feelings of worthlessness and think no one could possibly love us if they knew who we really were. Shame-full people find themselves on a treadmill. They can never do enough to overcome their inner sense of shame. With shame-full people, compliments have a half-life of sixty seconds. On the other hand, insults, criticism, and failures are forever!

Virginia Satir, a pioneer in the study of shame's impact upon families, has observed that living with shame is like having a pack of hungry dogs in your basement. As the dogs get increasingly hungry, they bark and struggle to get out of their prison. Eventually, they break out and upset the furniture and make a terrible mess in the kitchen.

In the same way, shame works beneath the surface of our lives and eventually "breaks out" in destructive behaviours. We feel terribly guilty, promise never to do that again and try to make amends for our misdeeds. Shame thereby creates a cycle of control and release, which makes it impossible to live our lives with dignity. As this cycle continues, we may despair of being able to change our behaviour -- our failures become final. Shame takes over our lives and leaves us feeling weak and worthless.

Is there hope for shame-full people? Yes! In the first place, merely recognizing its presence in our lives means that shame can no longer sneak unnoticed in the shadows of our innermost selves. We can begin to look it in the eye and call it by name.

Charlotte Elliot was an invalid most of her life. Despite the fact that she was intellectually gifted and a talented musician, she often experiences periods of uselessness with its resulting shame. During one of these times, she reflected upon the words: "The Lamb of God which takes away the sin of the world," and wrote the following words:

Just as I am! Without one plea,

But that thy blood was shed for me,

And that thou bidd'st me come to thee,

O Lamb of God, I come! I come!

My friends, the gospel of Jesus Christ speaks powerfully to our shame. In Christ we experience a love which is unconditional therefore, when the haunting voice of shame taunts us, "You are not enough," we can look it straight in the eye and say, "Yes, that's right, of myself, I am not enough. But in Christ I am loved, "Just as I am!" and that is enough.

Let me ask you a very important question? Have you experience the unconditional love of Jesus Christ? You can be freed from the condemnation of shame. Perhaps you are ready to be obedient to the will of Jesus Christ. If so, as you experience his forgiveness, you will be released to new life. You will enjoy being part of the family of God, the Church. Please let me know if I can assist you.

You can contact me:

Email me
or write to me at
P.O Box 1540,
Albany W.A 6331.

Telephone / Fax (08) 98 418 418