Getting the horses and Cows out of your Relationship

Discovering A Better Life
P.O Box 1540, Albany Western Australia 6331
Phone/Fax: (08) 98 418 418
E-mail: abl-alb@omninet.net.au

Getting the Horses and Cows out of your Relationships
You know friend, the education you most need includes knowing how to deal with relationships, and I wonder sometimes if we haven’t overloaded our relationships. Have you made your relationships more difficult than they really are? One of my favourite stories is about a very distraught woman who went to her Rabbi wailing, “Life is just terrible. I have four children and I live in a tiny little house with a husband who doesn’t understand me. Three months ago my parents moved in with us, and last week his parents came to live with us. We’re running all over each other and getting on each other’s nerves. Life is just terrible.” The Rabbi said, “Now, now, it’s going to be okay. Here’s what I want you to do. Go home, go to the barn and bring the horse into your house. Then come back and see me next week.” “But…but Rabbi…” “Just do as I say.” So she went home and brought the horse into the house. The next week she returned to visit her Rabbi. “Rabbi, Rabbi, life is so terrible. I have my husband, children, both parents, and now that big old horse clomping around. Life is just terrible.” The Rabbi said, “Here’s what I want you to do. Go home, get your cow, and bring it into the house. Then come back and see me next week.” Again the woman protested vigorously, but he insisted she follow his directions. The next week she returned wailing louder than before. “Life is just terrible. I have all those people and the horse, and now I have that old cow in the house. Life is terrible!” The Rabbi said, “Okay, I want you to go home, get the cow and the horse and put them back in the barn, and then come see me next week.” The next week the woman returned and she was all smiles. “Rabbi,” she said, “Life is so wonderful without the cow and the horse!” Somehow friend, a lot of cows and horses get mixed into our relationships. We’re so much better off if we take a little time to think through our problems to see which ones are real and which one’s we’ve taken on that don’t belong. For example…expectations. “You do not have a right to hold any expectations for another person.” How about that? Those are the words of a prominent psychologist I heard addressing a business group. Everyone was, of course, shocked, but then I thought about it, and I believe he’s right, at least he is right to shock us into asking what our expectations of others might be doing. You see, nothing will kill a relationship faster than holding expectations. Expectations have destroyed marriages. They have destroyed children. Expectations are the cows and horses that get in the way of relationships and keep us from enjoying them for what they are. Try it. Try moving those expectations out, turning loose of them, accepting and even celebrating that other person just for who she or he is…and see if things don’t begin to improve. But be careful. Because when you start to get rid of your expectations, you might find yourself expecting that the other person will immediately do the same. So get rid of that expectation too! Friend, I look forward to sharing more thoughts with you next week. However, if you would like to write to me with your comments, questions, or suggestions, I’d be pleased to hear from you. Email me or write to me at P.O Box 1540, Albany W.A 6331. Telephone / Fax (08) 98 418 418 Have a great day! -- Ron

Getting the Horses and Cows
out of your Relationships

You know friend, the education you most need includes knowing how to deal with relationships, and I wonder sometimes if we haven’t overloaded our relationships. Have you made your relationships more difficult than they really are?

One of my favourite stories is about a very distraught woman who went to her Rabbi wailing, “Life is just terrible. I have four children and I live in a tiny little house with a husband who doesn’t understand me. Three months ago my parents moved in with us, and last week his parents came to live with us. We’re running all over each other and getting on each other’s nerves. Life is just terrible.”

The Rabbi said, “Now, now, it’s going to be okay. Here’s what I want you to do. Go home, go to the barn and bring the horse into your house. Then come back and see me next week.”

“But…but Rabbi…”

“Just do as I say.”

So she went home and brought the horse into the house. The next week she returned to visit her Rabbi. “Rabbi, Rabbi, life is so terrible. I have my husband, children, both parents, and now that big old horse clomping around. Life is just terrible.”

The Rabbi said, “Here’s what I want you to do. Go home, get your cow, and bring it into the house. Then come back and see me next week.”

Again the woman protested vigorously, but he insisted she follow his directions.

The next week she returned wailing louder than before. “Life is just terrible. I have all those people and the horse, and now I have that old cow in the house. Life is terrible!”

The Rabbi said, “Okay, I want you to go home, get the cow and the horse and put them back in the barn, and then come see me next week.”

The next week the woman returned and she was all smiles. “Rabbi,” she said, “Life is so wonderful without the cow and the horse!”

Somehow friend, a lot of cows and horses get mixed into our relationships. We’re so much better off if we take a little time to think through our problems to see which ones are real and which one’s we’ve taken on that don’t belong. For example…expectations. “You do not have a right to hold any expectations for another person.” How about that?

Those are the words of a prominent psychologist I heard addressing a business group. Everyone was, of course, shocked, but then I thought about it, and I believe he’s right, at least he is right to shock us into asking what our expectations of others might be doing. You see, nothing will kill a relationship faster than holding expectations. Expectations have destroyed marriages. They have destroyed children. Expectations are the cows and horses that get in the way of relationships and keep us from enjoying them for what they are. Try it.

Try moving those expectations out, turning loose of them, accepting and even celebrating that other person just for who she or he is…and see if things don’t begin to improve. But be careful. Because when you start to get rid of your expectations, you might find yourself expecting that the other person will immediately do the same. So get rid of that expectation too!

Friend, I look forward to sharing more thoughts with you next week. However, if you would like to write to me with your comments, questions, or suggestions, I’d be pleased to hear from you.

Email me
or write to me at
P.O Box 1540,
Albany W.A 6331.

Telephone / Fax (08) 98 418 418

Have a great day! -- Ron